12 Annoying People in Movie Theaters (Book Movie Adaptations mostly)

Inspiration drawn from watching Catching Fire, Breaking Dawn Part II, and Divergent.

Forget about the classic ones: [1] kid crying, wanting attention from his momma, [2] guy loudly talking to his cellphone, [3] someone having a fit due to personal reasons, [4] phone ringing, etc. Let's go to details over the real annoying ones you might have overlooked just because they seem to be properly behaving as compared to the classic ones.

1. The Passerby

He's late! But why must you suffer his tardiness as he glides by and block out your view? At that precise moment when a very important footage shows, you see nothing but this latecomer's head. And you're just left to wonder why people are uttering their "Oohs" and "Aahs". What just happened?! Where's that scene?!

2. The Psychic

The movie has just started. It is neither adapted from a book nor a comic strip. It's not a remake either. But 15 minutes into the film and your friend already has a theory about the story. You can't help but listen to him talk. A few minutes more and you can't help but agree to him. Now your mind has nothing left to wonder and you feel dumb when you can no longer formulate something of your own. Then the story unfolds. Of course he was right. It just so happened that he got to it first before you do. But now you know he's gloating inside, and the thing that's clear to you as of the moment: you want to strangle this friend.

3. The Whiner

So this movie is adapted from a book. While you are already enjoying the film, suddenly you hear this person somewhere on the side complaining, "He's too ugly to be [insert name here]" or "Oh my God, isn't she too fat for her?"

Really? Please just stop complaining. Others don't care however the actors look, they might just want to enjoy watching the movie with its story. Or they just simply want to watch a film. Don't you dare spoil other people's day!

4. The Lovey-doveys

For some couples, the cinema has become their plot for a perfect hideaway where they could possibly smooch, hug, make-out, or whatever deed to show lust affection. My advice to them: If they're not 2 unconsented teenagers, then they should just rent a room somewhere! If not, there's always the backmost part of the cinema where they could have a make-out session. Or better yet, they just have to pay that ticket for the VIP section with love seats made just especially for them (and directors).

So you feel annoyed. Perhaps not because they annoy you with their actions but rather, you go jelly because you don't have anyone close to snug to. And this slowly dawns on you: you badly need a boyfriend.

5. The Redundant Know-it all

If the movie is indeed adapted from a book, chances are you are there because you're a fan of the book. And you bring your friend with you (or could be that your friend invited you for a watch).

You know the story (perhaps from 2 years ago but you still remember things), she knows the story. But why tell the story to you all over again? If only you could tell your friend to shut up but you can't. And you do nothing there but utter that constant "uh-huh" with your head nodding repetitively. You might just as well form a rock band with that constant head banging.

6. The Flock of Gay People

They're too opinionated. They're noisy. They have their own world. The problem is, they're fun. You were there for the movie but instead of listening to the movie at hand, you just find yourself listening to their conversation. You don't want to admit it but you enjoyed their talk better than the film. It's like a comedy bar in there.

7. The Trivia Teller

You were so engrossed with the film when someone somewhere in the aisle just kept telling her friend these details about the actors or the things that happened behind the set of the movie you're watching. Instead of shushing them or filtering them out, you find yourself engrossed with their conversation and you want to jump in and join the fun. Talk about divided attention.

8. The Excited

You know the story of the movie. Perhaps, just like everybody else in the theater. It's a movie adaptation from a book again, ya know?

Just moments before the guy is about to kiss the girl in the film, this girl somewhere at the back already giggles. Three seconds before the heroine is going to be pushed down the staircase and she already uttered, "Oh no!" Before the protagonist is going to be stabbed from the back, she already screamed... at the astonishment of others who don't know the story. Then the protagonist did get stabbed. And the moment was spoiled.

The ending? Everybody in the theater must have had this shared feeling of wanting to stab this girl.

9. The Passerby Part 2: The Pisser

The movie is quite a long one (perhaps a Peter Jackson film). Everybody is cold with the theater's full air-conditioning. You're in total control of yourself: from hunger, from thirst, from the cold. But nothing prepares you when this one gets up from his seat with an excuse to his friends: I just have to piss. Damn, you heard it!

And now you're pissed because your brain has been triggered to wanting to have a piss. Now you're confused: to pee or not to pee?

10. The Ungenerous Glutton

So the movie is indeed a long one. Your food had gone by an hour ago. But then there's this someone who just opened her bento box with that mouth-watering smell. It is unlike any food you've smelled before (or maybe it's just your hunger talking). So what do you feel? That nagging feeling to dash out of the theater just to have your mouth filled... with that particular smell.

11. The Slurper

You wonder what your seatmate is drinking? Is it milk-tea? Halo-halo? Shake? Yoghurt mix? Soda?

So the scene is finally on that part: the villain reciting his evil intentions as he reveal his plan to the unsuspecting victim. But instead of hearing the villain's line, you're hearing jagged words with a *slurp*, a *slurp* *slurp*, a long *sluuuuurp* and finally, a *burp*.

12. The Curious

You had your friend with you who doesn't know the story. While watching the film, she has this itch to know the story as soon as possible. You don't want to spoil but she has this curiosity that badly needs answering. And she won't stop asking these questions until you supply her with answers.

And now you're guilty. There must have been members of the audience hearing your every word. Now they must be annoyed at you for spoiling the story to them. It's a very disturbing feeling: being the subject of hate (even momentarily).